Sing-Along-a-Derb
It’s
that time of year again when we all gather round the Christmas tree with our
loved ones and troll the ancient Christmas carol. Just in case you’ve
forgotten the words, here are the lyrics to some of your favorites.
Jingle Mel Rock
(To
the tune
“Jingle Bell Rock”)
Jingle Mel, Jingle Mel, Jingle Mel rock,
Jingle Mel drink and Jingle Mel drive.
Cops
pulled him over and asked him to breathe—
That
made Jingle Mel start to seethe.
Jingle Mel said that all the world’s wars
Are
started by Jews, have Jews as their cause;
Then
asked the deputy: “Are you a Jew?”
In
Malibu.
Well,
arrest time’s not the best time
To
cuss the night away.
Jingle Mel time’s not a swell time
To
put your prejudices on display.
Squad-car ride, booking desk, cell for the night;
Jingle Mel slept it off.
Now
he’s rocking with a box-office hit—
He’s
untouchable,
And
un-blushable,
That's the Jingle Mel rock.
Rudy
the Red-State Nightmare
(To
the tune
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”)
Rudy
the red-state nightmare
Liberal and twice divorced;
Written off as a RINO
For
positions he’d endorsed.
G.O.P.
national leaders
Wouldn’t give him time of day.
Certain that heartland voters
Would
choke on Rudy’s résumé.
Then
one clear September morn
Terror paid a call.
Rudy
took charge from the start,
Stirred the nation’s wounded heart.
Now
Rudy’s out campaigning.
Will
that memory be enough?
It
will, if we want a leader
Capable, and smart, and tough.
Obama,
be faithful
(To
the tune
“O Come, All Ye Faithful”)
Obama,
be faithful
To
all white guilty liberals.
O
come ye to rescue us
From
rancor and strife.
Black
yet unthreatening!
Handsome and so likeable!
Obama
we adore you—
We’ll
all be voting for you!
We’re
Clintonites no more! You
Are
liberalism’s hope!.
Feliz
Navidad
(To
the tune
“Feliz Navidad”)
Feliz
Navidad.
You
Gringos are bad.
You’re making us mad
That’s why we’re marching in the streets.
We’re
only asking for open borders
So we
can bring in our sons and daughters.
We’re
too many—you can’t deport us!
So
amnesty us all!
Have
Yourself a Merry Little Congress
(To
the tune
“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”)
Have
yourself a merry little Congress,
You
who make our laws.
From now on
The
joys of power will be yours.
Help
yourselves to favors from the pages
When
you’re feeling gay;
Wine
and dine
With
lobbyists, like Tom Delay.
Just
be sure that the freezer’s filled
With
those dollar bills you’ve scored.
K
Street
friends who are dear to you
Gather near to you once more.
For
two years
You
all will be together,
Then
the party ends.
Stuff
the tax code full of loopholes for your friends—
And
never mind whose wealth it is that Congress spends!
Shi’ites Roasting in a Mosque on Fire
(To
the tune
“The Christmas Song”)
Shi’ites roasting in a mosque on fire,
Sunnis bombed in their bazaar.
The
U.S. cursed as an occupier
And
oil flows still not up to par.
Everybody knows a firefight and an IED
Help
make the streets of Baghdad bright.
Suicide fiends with their eyes all aglow
Think
victory for them’s in sight.
They
know that Baker’s had his say.
His
ISG report said we don’t want to stay.
And
our Iraqi friends rush to apply
For
seats on any airplane that will fly.
And
so I'm offering this simple phrase
For
Cheney, Bush, and Condi too.
Although its been said many times many ways:
Nation building, we can’t do.
Bimbo
Wonderland
(To
the tune
“Winter Wonderland”)
Bimbos sing, are you listening,
See
the lip gloss is glistening.
Their
talents are slight,
They’re out clubbing every night,
Living in a bimbo wonderland.
Britney Spears is in Heaven
Now
she’s got rid of Kevin;
Her
bottom is bare,
But
she doesn’t care
Living in a bimbo wonderland.
Here’s Nicole, and here’s Paris,
Gals
you just can’t embarrass;
This
Simple Life pair
Seem
to be everywhere—
Living in a bimbo wonderland.
Partying too much got Lindsay Lohan
Reprimanded by a studio boss.
He
said: Are you working?
She
said: No, man.
I’m
drying out—I hope
You
won’t be cross.
Later
on, they’ll conspire,
Yet
more fans to acquire.
No
brains have these sluts,
Only
hair, boobs, and butts—
Living in a bimbo wonderland.
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